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Okay, you know what? That was a terrible explanation. You all deserve a bit more clarity than... that. So at the risk of getting a little too personal, I'll tell you more.

When I joined the CCBBC Discord in August 2018, I was so afraid to talk that I refused to do so for about 2-3 days. I was so paranoid that people would hate me, knowing how I had acted in real life in the past - and especially in a chat room full of 80 people. Now, I've said many, many things I wish I could just erase, and I am genuinely sorry to everyone who had to see that part of me.

In January 2019, this anxiety got so bad that I had to step away from the community for an entire month. Maybe it's just part of me getting older, but honestly, I think I got worse when I returned in February.

Over the years, I've noticed my tendency to get irritated at random things, as well as rapid mood swings. I shame myself constantly for every sin I have committed. I won't give specific examples, as there are some things I just can't bear to relive.

I can't really think of a good way to end this, so I'll just leave it here. And don't worry - I'll probably be back sooner rather than later. Maybe I'm just too anxious all the time, and maybe people are willing to look at me in a new light. You might see a report or two from me, but until the day I think I'm ready to return... farewell.

Message added by Indyindeed

Why I'm taking a break

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I'm sorry everyone, but I don't think I can handle being here (at least in Discord) for a while. For too long I've put up an "internet tough guy" act, especially in Non-CC chatrooms, and I can't take that anymore. I'm going through what's probably the roughest time in my life right now and these are the things that explain why. My hope is that a few years down the road, these things can be forgotten (or better yet, perhaps they already have), and I'll be able to move on in my life.

It's a very complicated issue, and I unfortunately can't really tell the whole story because, honestly, I'm not sure if I remember it. Rarely, even outside of the CCBBC Discord, even in real life, I just find myself being too much of a hothead and saying things I wish I could take back.

I want to be remembered for the good things I do, not as some weak "tough guy". I'm going to devote the next few days of my life to changing and improving myself. Until then, I'm off.

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Sorry to hear things have been so rough for you lately. Hope you find whatever it is you need to feel better and eventually come back as a happier healthier person some day. We all miss you and you'll always be welcome on the Discord if you decide to return.

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