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BitBuster

Tell us a joke

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Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

The nearest Isobar.

 

(I actually have some really great jokes, but most are not PG-13.

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Poor Fluffy.

 

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

 

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

 

The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

 

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

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Three strings walk into a bar and get a table. The crowd gives them dirty looks and the bouncer turns their way. The first string says "Don't worry guys, I'll get us some drinks and things will calm down." He walks up to bar and says "Can I have three Stroh's please?". The bartender responds, "We don't serve Stroh's to strings." The string walks back dejected and reports, "He wouldn't serve us." The second string says, "You didn't ask right." He walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Three Stroh's!". Bartender looks him up and down and says, "Like I told your friend, we don't serve STRINGS." The second string comes back to the table. "We might as well leave guys, they aren't going to serve us." The third string says "I got this." He goes into the bathroom, wraps his tail around himself, and messes up his hair. He saunters up to the bar, pounds his fist on the bar and says "Three beers!" The bartender looks over and says, "Heyyy, you're one of those strings, aren't you?" And the string responds: "FRAYED KNOT!"

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lol awesome :P

 

I wonder why there ain't no vegetable jokes around, man... That needs to change.

If anyone has a vegetable joke, lettuce know.

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I liked the rabbit one, however, I don't know how the guy would get into his neighboor's house to put the rabbit back into the cage.

 

There were three crazy guys on a plane, so the pilot says "man, they're starting to make a lot of noise, they're sooo annoying!" And the co-pilot says "I got this." So he leaves, and after five minutes he comes back. The pilot was like "wow, how did you get them to shut up?" and the co-pilot said "I told them that we were playing school, so I gave them homework to maintain them distracted." and the pilot said "man, you're incredible!"

 

After 20 minutes, they start to shout and be annoying again. Before the pilot could say anything, the co-pilot got up again. After five more minutes, he comes back and the pilot said "wow, what did you do this time!?" and the co-pilot finally said "well, I checked their homework, and since they did a good job, I opened the door for them so they could go out to recess!"

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Why must one be patient when attempting to solve CCLP2 #142?

 

Well I certainly don't get this one :P and I LPed the set so that makes me feel a bit out of it.

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Oh yes a lot of patience indeed. Something major that I lacked with for a few days with that level.

 

I'm dying to know this CCLP2 joke though...

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Oh yes a lot of patience indeed. Something major that I lacked with for a few days with that level.

 

I'm dying to know this CCLP2 joke though...

 

This was my joke, don't remember who guessed it. Okay, the answer is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because the password is WAYT.

 

(groans)

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Why must one be patient when attempting to solve CCLP2 #142?

This was my joke, don't remember who guessed it. Okay, the answer is...

...

Because the password is WAYT.

 

(groans)

 

O... ... ... ... ... kay...... ... ... ...

Well ... that gives me courage to post this silly monstrosity:-

 

 

A blob, a bug and a paramecium walk into a bar and see a really hot fireball sitting all by herself.

 

So the blob crawls up to her and tries a really gooey pick up line.

"Get away from me, slimeball!" the fireball replies.

 

Then the bug goes up to her and, placing two forelegs on her shoulder says, "Can I buy you a rink?"

"Take your paws off me, you little creep!" says the fireball.

 

Finally, the paramecium slides up, and soon, he and the fireball are heading off together.

"Wait!" says the bug, "So I'm a creep, and he isn't?"

"Oh that's okay," replies the fireball, "He always follows the right path."

  • Upvote 4

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^^-cringe-

 

What do you call a blue snake

Bob

 

Why?

Cause that's his name.

 

--

 

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer go to a field. They see eight sheep and a ton of wooden fence. The mathematician suggests a small game; whoever can enclose all eight sheep using the shortest length of fence wins.

 

The engineer steps up first. He takes 24 pieces of fence and makes a square around the sheep. The others smile as he clears the fence and walks away.

 

Next, the physicist. He attempts to form a more rounded circle-like shape, pushing inwards. He uses 16 pieces of fence. The mathematician applauds and the physicist moves the fence again.

 

Finally, the mathematician steps forward. He takes three pieces of fence, and forms a triangle around himself. He then declares 'I'm on the outside'.

 

--

 

Why are aspirins small white and round?

 

Because if they were big, grey and deformed they'd be elephants. =))

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My poor thread. My poor beautiful thread, full of betrayed potential.

 

::Sob::

 

 

 

 

 

(Just kidding. I quite enjoyed the "aspirins" joke. And the "paramicium" joke was rather clever. :))

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Okay, if we're going in that direction...here's a favorite from my sister's first-graders:

 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because it was dead.

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