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BitBuster

Tell us a joke

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Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

The nearest Isobar.

 

(I actually have some really great jokes, but most are not PG-13.

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Poor Fluffy.

 

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

 

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

 

The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

 

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

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Three strings walk into a bar and get a table. The crowd gives them dirty looks and the bouncer turns their way. The first string says "Don't worry guys, I'll get us some drinks and things will calm down." He walks up to bar and says "Can I have three Stroh's please?". The bartender responds, "We don't serve Stroh's to strings." The string walks back dejected and reports, "He wouldn't serve us." The second string says, "You didn't ask right." He walks up to the bar and says, "Barkeep! Three Stroh's!". Bartender looks him up and down and says, "Like I told your friend, we don't serve STRINGS." The second string comes back to the table. "We might as well leave guys, they aren't going to serve us." The third string says "I got this." He goes into the bathroom, wraps his tail around himself, and messes up his hair. He saunters up to the bar, pounds his fist on the bar and says "Three beers!" The bartender looks over and says, "Heyyy, you're one of those strings, aren't you?" And the string responds: "FRAYED KNOT!"

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lol awesome :P

 

I wonder why there ain't no vegetable jokes around, man... That needs to change.

If anyone has a vegetable joke, lettuce know.

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I liked the rabbit one, however, I don't know how the guy would get into his neighboor's house to put the rabbit back into the cage.

 

There were three crazy guys on a plane, so the pilot says "man, they're starting to make a lot of noise, they're sooo annoying!" And the co-pilot says "I got this." So he leaves, and after five minutes he comes back. The pilot was like "wow, how did you get them to shut up?" and the co-pilot said "I told them that we were playing school, so I gave them homework to maintain them distracted." and the pilot said "man, you're incredible!"

 

After 20 minutes, they start to shout and be annoying again. Before the pilot could say anything, the co-pilot got up again. After five more minutes, he comes back and the pilot said "wow, what did you do this time!?" and the co-pilot finally said "well, I checked their homework, and since they did a good job, I opened the door for them so they could go out to recess!"

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Why must one be patient when attempting to solve CCLP2 #142?

 

Well I certainly don't get this one :P and I LPed the set so that makes me feel a bit out of it.

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Oh yes a lot of patience indeed. Something major that I lacked with for a few days with that level.

 

I'm dying to know this CCLP2 joke though...

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Oh yes a lot of patience indeed. Something major that I lacked with for a few days with that level.

 

I'm dying to know this CCLP2 joke though...

 

This was my joke, don't remember who guessed it. Okay, the answer is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because the password is WAYT.

 

(groans)

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Why must one be patient when attempting to solve CCLP2 #142?

This was my joke, don't remember who guessed it. Okay, the answer is...

...

Because the password is WAYT.

 

(groans)

 

O... ... ... ... ... kay...... ... ... ...

Well ... that gives me courage to post this silly monstrosity:-

 

 

A blob, a bug and a paramecium walk into a bar and see a really hot fireball sitting all by herself.

 

So the blob crawls up to her and tries a really gooey pick up line.

"Get away from me, slimeball!" the fireball replies.

 

Then the bug goes up to her and, placing two forelegs on her shoulder says, "Can I buy you a rink?"

"Take your paws off me, you little creep!" says the fireball.

 

Finally, the paramecium slides up, and soon, he and the fireball are heading off together.

"Wait!" says the bug, "So I'm a creep, and he isn't?"

"Oh that's okay," replies the fireball, "He always follows the right path."

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^^-cringe-

 

What do you call a blue snake

Bob

 

Why?

Cause that's his name.

 

--

 

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer go to a field. They see eight sheep and a ton of wooden fence. The mathematician suggests a small game; whoever can enclose all eight sheep using the shortest length of fence wins.

 

The engineer steps up first. He takes 24 pieces of fence and makes a square around the sheep. The others smile as he clears the fence and walks away.

 

Next, the physicist. He attempts to form a more rounded circle-like shape, pushing inwards. He uses 16 pieces of fence. The mathematician applauds and the physicist moves the fence again.

 

Finally, the mathematician steps forward. He takes three pieces of fence, and forms a triangle around himself. He then declares 'I'm on the outside'.

 

--

 

Why are aspirins small white and round?

 

Because if they were big, grey and deformed they'd be elephants. =))

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My poor thread. My poor beautiful thread, full of betrayed potential.

 

::Sob::

 

 

 

 

 

(Just kidding. I quite enjoyed the "aspirins" joke. And the "paramicium" joke was rather clever. :))

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Okay, if we're going in that direction...here's a favorite from my sister's first-graders:

 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because it was dead.

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Okay, if we're going in that direction...here's a favorite from my sister's first-graders:

 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because it was dead.

 

Ooohhh, don't get me started in that direction... Here's my favorite (and I can't even explain why):-

 

There's this elephant climbing a tree.

Seeing him, the donkey sitting on top of the tree asks, "Hey elephant, why are you climbing this tree?"

"To eat mangoes," replies the elephant.

"But," the donkey says, "this is an apple tree..."

"I know," says the elephant, "I've brought my mangoes with me."

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Okay, if we're going in that direction...here's a favorite from my sister's first-graders:

 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because it was dead.

 

I don't care if this is "first-grade level humour." I laughed at it.

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Ooohhh, don't get me started in that direction... Here's my favorite (and I can't even explain why):-

 

There's this elephant climbing a tree.

Seeing him, the donkey sitting on top of the tree asks, "Hey elephant, why are you climbing this tree?"

"To eat mangoes," replies the elephant.

"But," the donkey says, "this is an apple tree..."

"I know," says the elephant, "I've brought my mangoes with me."

 

Do the animals in this joke have American Political Party reference?

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Do the animals in this joke have American Political Party reference?

 

Haha! Good catch!

 

Now that you've got me thinking a bit harder about that joke, I'm starting to wonder: how'd the elephant expect to climb the tree? They don't even have knees. I can sort of fathom how the donkey *might* be able to leap up into the tree...oh, I dunno. I need to get out more.

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Hmm. I was apparently misled by one of those "fun facts for kids" books that I had in my youth. (I think it was by Klutz). I was always under the impression that elephants were the only animals that didn't have knees. But now you (and a perfunctory Google search) seem to suggest otherwise. I feel so...disillusioned.

 

 

Grumble.

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That paramecia joke...oh MAN. :D Love it.

 

What did the buffalo say to his offspring when he dropped him off at school?

"Bison."

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “That sounds nice, I’ll have some H2O too.”

The second man died.

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Oh, those wacky walkers, always walking where they shouldn't!

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I can just imagine a wealth of CC level names that would take that particular pun to its extreme: Crosswalk, Walk/Don't Walk, Sidewalk, etc.

 

I only pray that a levelset themed along those lines does not exist.

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I inexplicably found "Dog the Walker" to be a somewhat amusing title. I think I'd like it even better if it was called "Walker The Dog," or better yet, "Walker The Dog & Light The Light" (I understand if no one here understands this particular reference, but if someone does, I will be immensely overjoyed).

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Two tomatoes were crossing the street, when one of them was hit by a car.

The other one said, "Don't worry, you can ketch'up later!"

 

I know, this is the oldest joke ever, but do you know the funny thing? This is, like, _the_ most famous joke among small kids in Sweden, and I remember us using to think it was so funny when I was little. However, this joke makes absolutely no sense in Swedish. It goes like this:

 

Two tomatoes were crossing the street, when one of them was hit by a car.

The other one said, "Come one ketchup, let's go." (and obviously ketchup has nothing what so ever to do with 'catch up' in Swedish.)

 

We just thought it was very funny to call a poor smashed tomato "ketchup". It was only years and years later (like just a couple of years ago) that I learned there was an original english version with an actual pun in it...

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It's probably funnier without the pun. Actually, I'd go so far as to say that it's definitely funnier without the pun. At least without the pun, it has the "WTF?" factor going for it. Complete absurdity can be a plus.

 

 

BTW, "Walker The Frog" might make for a good title (or at least inspiration for a walker/teeth level).

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That's great. A joke that's supposed to only make sense in English is popular in Swedish, and I've never even heard this joke before! :lol:

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Not so much a joke as a weird observation....

 

I work in an office building. In the hallway outside the office to the elevators, there are paintings (prints) on the walls. What are they paintings of? Hallways!

 

And in those hallways in those paintings in my hallway, what's on the walls? Paintings!

 

And I imagine if I could make out what's in those paintings...they would be hallways.....

 

ARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

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The only issue I see with "Walker the Frog" is that it basically has two puns. :P

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An atom walks into a bar. The bartender is getting the atom a drink when suddenly it begins to cry. The bartender asks "What's the matter?"

 

The atom cries even more.

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Why is the fruit-loving engaged couple upset?

 

They cantaloupe. :)

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Probably somewhat old by now, but still worth it:

 

"Who sang that song that goes like 'i got passion in my pants and i ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it...'?"

> "L.M.F.A.O."

> "lmfao"

> "LMFAO"

> "lmfao"

> "lmfao"

"What's so funny?!?"

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I was just going to revive this topic....
 
Anyway, I was just watching "Jeopardy!". One of the categories was something about body parts (i missed the beginning and couldn't read the category on screen or tell what the contestants said) and one of the clues was
 

Your shoe and your mouth both have one.

 
The correct answer was "What is a tongue?"
My immediate thought was "What is a foot?"

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“Have i told you the story about the birds and the bees?”
“I don't think so.”
“Well, you see, when a bird and a bee love each other very much…”

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When I was younger, my brother once asked me, "Why did the chicken cross the road?", to which I replied "To get to the other side."

 

Apparently, this was not the correct answer, as he then proceeded to scream right in my face "NO, IT'S BECAUSE IT DID - LIVE WITH IT!" before storming off and throwing a chair at a wall.

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“Have i told you the story about the birds and the bees?”

“I don't think so.”

“Well, you see, when a bird and a bee love each other very much…”

 

...one of them is going to get hurt very badly....

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Yesterday, I overheard someone talking about the contraction of muscles. Sounds like an awful disease. I hope its not related to measles.....

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Two blondes walked into a bar, ordered drinks, and sat down. They proceeded to clink their glasses and excitedly shout, "54 days! 54 days!"

 

Then a third blonde joined them with her drink, and the three repeatedly clinked their glasses and exclaimed, "54 days! 54 days!"

 

The bartender could not contain his curiosity. He walked over to the table and said, "I couldn't help but notice your happy celebration. Just what are you toasting?"

 

One of the blondes replied, "We found a jigsaw puzzle that said 2-3 years. But the three of us solved it in just 54 days!!!"

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An atom walks into a bar. The bartender is getting the atom a drink when suddenly it begins to cry. The bartender asks "What's the matter?"

 

The atom cries even more.

 

 

I realize an atom might be sensitive about its lack of matter, but why was he crying before the bartender said anything?

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What's the difference between the North pole and the South pole?

 

 

All the difference in the world!

What's the difference between always going up and always going down?

 

No official CC level can be solved by always going up. (Until someone adds one to CCLP5 to break the joke...)

 

 

How do you see osmosis in action?

 

Put salt on a snail.

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